Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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