My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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