Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
