What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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