You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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