I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
