so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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