His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I party with great urgency now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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