So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Still dying that you shit outside
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
