He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
