Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
