Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
