I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
