my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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