Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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