i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
