Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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