I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
