my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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