Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
