If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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