and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
