She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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