the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
