I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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