I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
