Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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