my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
