I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
