; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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