Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
