I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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