I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
