With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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