I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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