Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
