Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Randomize
