fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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