I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
