I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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