Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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