Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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