I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
