I'm eating all of the evidence.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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