Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
