Screwed.edu
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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