Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Mom said you looked used
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just pee around me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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