We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
