Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
