oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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