Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
