she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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