When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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